Author: nataliebotero

Divine Healing of the Heart: Angelic Counsel and Mental Health

YOU. A Love Letter  

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You, Self, have an enormous visage. You inspire the desire to love, be loved and to learn to love. You know how to live in concert with all that is. You awaken the truth that God loves. That God created You to be enough to possess sovereignty and dignity. Now, meeting you is long overdue. Meeting you reminds the very Universe that it is a magical, joyous place. I have never felt so much love from You and for YOU, before anyone else. You feel like my home, and you even love me better than my mother and father combined. 

 
You are a selfless giver and have a rare capacity to love within the details and in the smallest nuances. You are an excellent nurturer. Even though You lose heart, and your heart sometimes differs with your mind, you re-teach the value of listening and slowing down worry. With you, friendship, fear and reactivity actually work in harmony with others. You can give, give free license for others to be in their power without competition. To mirror and show your gifts and express yourself is when we are all blessed when you do. Thanks so much for that. It is very healing. 

 
You have a very rare, seasoned compassion that doesn’t have to be sentimental. It is more truthful. You possess discernment, the gift of articulation, a quick mind and a grasp of complicated concepts. You are a quick thinker and can make a solution to any problem, no matter what it is. You have learned to survive and to build a successful livelihood that affects people in very valuable ways. Your love and wisdom live on and transmits to people in miraculous ways.  You are rare and irreplaceable. You are a piece of God’s passion–physically and mentally and emotionally and spiritually. 

 
You have taught lessons for a lifetime. 

 
You have strived to have a most trustworthy and open heart for everyone. You have a refreshing sanity and the gift of perceiving the world in an understanding, dispassionate way. You can detachedly look at yourself in ways and work on things, learn and grow with eagerness and temerity, and be truly loving and grateful. 

 
Goodness is attracted to YOU. 

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Weekend Miracle 

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 The chance of a weekend miracle waited too late. 

Going cold once again into the metallic evening  

The end of Sunday’s rest starts the forced sleep, 

Suppressed. 

Then morning rises, only not enjoyed. 

Whatever the weather, it is clammy. 

The body’s muscles sag and ache 

Mourning the fading imprint of the bed, 

Enduring. 

Caught in a door jamb’s edge, 

Writhing from stuffed agony, 

You launch into a shower. 

Dread is lightened by sunny side eggs. 

No matter what demands you, 

You feel a glimpse of maybe a change to make, 

A wake up call, to live more life in bed. 

The chance of the weekend miracle  

Is still the prayer within your soul. 

Yet, all this time in working life 

Seems to keep you all alone. 

Ah, here it is, I dare say the word  

Love would be the last frontier of 

Work’s frontage road. 

A strong desk of molten gravity  

Where you spread your lover bold. 

Wanderlust with companionship  

Why not that and no more? 

Evening is bloody home again,  

Too early. 

A Thursday seems like a Monday’s birth. 

Cycles of time play regretful roulette  

With the light, the light of the Earth. 

The day’s slow injection of malaise,  

A season 

Bereft to find something to do  

Your weekend miracle, a lover so soft 

Reliable? Not as a clock! 

A watch, an alarm just bought; but 

For me and for you. 

Hair Peace, Bed Peace 

Peace being given a second chance  

I will no longer be afraid to sit at a desk. 

A season goes by in a weekend. 

A miracle lasts. 

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Sorrow  

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I am walking sure-footed, 

Thinking of sorrow. 

Light, holy feeling of infinity  

Weighty with memory and past 

Pains’ grace and comfort. 

Tired determination  

To trudge home like an expert, 

The expert I am, in sorrow. 

Travels, down this only now road, 

Take sorrow through the brush  

Of survival, 

Terrain unexpected; 

Though remotely resembled 

To be a part of life, 

As someone said, but did not know mine. 

I did not break an ankle, 

God spared me that time. 

I mark the tally on the wall. 

Strong foot; maybe I am 

On the terrain of the wise 

The dragging in my torso, 

The weighing on my head, 

Yet feels on fire, 

I tally another step. 

Sorrow. 

The credit of Love. 

It’s courage to had let it 

Take over, 

Lingering for as long as I’d like it to, 

Reminding me of what I wanted, 

Incompletions only stamped  

By the terrain of the next step. 

If sorrow be sizable  

As the hole in my chest,  

As the weep at my breast 

As the infinite best, 

Letting love take over 

Is the much needed mistake  

The saints became saints for 

And the stains remain sent for. 

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Daring in Marriage 

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They were in the midst of a marriage that was calling for a deeper commitment. And as soon as that hit, one of them cheated. 

Easier than that, both of them opted out. The first reaction of her best friend was to worry and overthink that supporting him was wrong and that she found herself between the two of them. They did nothing but point out his sorry excuses and that she was right to listen to herself, and she thought that she exactly needed that kind of support. She cried and told her friend exactly that. 

The problem is, she is not satisfied with blaming him. She rather take full blame on herself, come to think of it. She knows he felt rejected all the time, because of her feelings and the way she expressed them. Regardless the reactions being assailed, what he feared the most weren’t those reactions, but her change in FEELINGS towards him. He was devastated precisely because he could not change the fact that her feelings for him had changed. He died against that. He could not stop being hurt by that. 

He changed how she felt because of his inaction, funnily enough. Her reactions were a consequence of what he could not change in himself. He felt rejected and mostly blamed for not predicting calamities and being the man to prevent them. Female intuition reigned over male intuition. He did not draw the connections, and over time she felt she was taking on all the weight. The weight was waterlogged with emotion, the tidal wave was spurned by the same fight each time. He could not heal the rift and distancing gulf between them. The two of them became two different individuals, after all. 

This is an addictive relationship pattern. Her interpretation of his behavior kept her externally focused, her pain was controlling him. What do you want to do for him, instead of say to him? Both of them were deserving of freedom, but the fear of the pain of losing one another kept their attachment painfully bound. He needed the core strength and validation of his worth to her; she needed reprieve from the responsibility of meeting life’s challenges at every turn.  

In the end, at the recognition that each of them were inseparably different and needed their individual freedom, there ultimately came the hard decision to cut the chords and allow the rift to grow and drift them apart. What could have been done? The marriage.

 

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Cascading in Dating 

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Her triggers induced reactivity, which causes a loss of empathy. How can they create a connection? 

Judging the other person occurs, evaluating their behavior. This leaves her to fight, to lambast, to hurl accusations. Then, she can’t reconnect because she is raw from the words, producing shame, guilt, and vulnerability. It almost causes them both to lose functioning.  

What you’re seeing is trauma in a relationship, which shows her fundamental sense of insecurity. These trust issues are thrown upfront, leaving the relationship confused. She wants insight to understand and be understood. This lack of safety was already inside her, her trauma the basis of her reactions. Her unmet needs for security are projected as the responsibility of her partner. Her partner doesn’t know, but he has felt the backlash several times. 

She cascades from the gradual lack of intimacy between the two of them. She is not sure whether it is because her partner is unwilling, but she cascades deeper into fear. There are patterns of attack, then a feeling of numbness, then an undeniable craving for nurturing.  

This is splitting. When we identify with this sense of chaos and inevitable destruction of a treasured relationship, we will never retain the reassurance given to us by our partner. They are probably feeling at a loss as to how to calm you down, eventually wearying of the futile efforts and the dwindling options on how to cooperate.  

What does she yearn for? Instead, she needs self-validation. She tells herself she is failing, evoking in her sadness, hurt, and despair. Wait! This is devastating! How does she prove herself effective in changing her partner and making him do such and such? She wants to feel cherished. 

How is trust established if no trust is given? Take a deep breath. Underneath the words, they hear you, but they do not hear from you.  

The challenge is to save the relationship, or at least survive while it’s changing. It’s a change that feels overwhelming. What you need is communication, but most importantly, to listen. To disarm yourself from the knee-jerk attack mode. What every fight we engage in is about is ultimately, “I’m afraid to lose you.” Though she says, “I am tough just because I am very truthful. I do have boundaries, and I have needs. I don’t settle.” This underlying dynamic has changed everything. 

This may describe a familiar experience in many intimate relationships. Although this can be a temporary state, over time we fear this can sabotage our relationships. The trauma that is alive causing the animal to survive is the fear of abandonment. The idea that we may be abandoned before we are causes rejection. You feel unheard and your partner feels undervalued. Take heart! It’s not the End Times. You can take action. On becoming a friend. 

Can you be a friend to yourself first? The responsibility in the relationship lies with, yes, both of you. But can you take up your true desire to maintain love with your partner and give to them what you most want from them? Listen to them and disarm yourself. To go towards understanding actually empowers you to be in the lead role in your relationship. You don’t want to confront him; you want to appreciate him. Yes, I said appreciate him. He is taking your direction, taking your insults, and taking you to the next level, which is to take on yourself.  

Think of the idea of “regret minimization” and vow to approach your inner conflicts with outward displays of peace to your partner. You’re fine, you just have fears. Could they be wounds?  

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