The Make Up of a Breakup
Separation. You may experience real feelings for the first time.
How much loss, weariness, heartbreak, loneliness, and the fear of being alone affect us after the end of a relationship! It is the end of an era, the busting of a myth, the fairytale lesson, and the vague confusion and meaninglessness the years spent seem to turn out to be. We suffer because of the existential importance of a Love Life.
Breaking up is a death, but are you ever relieved that someone is gone? Possible that they have gone to a better place. Just as in the dying of a loved one, there is a death in oneself, and revival. Whether deceased or not, the stages of grief ensue, the realization of needs comes, harboring regrets or righteous rebuttal, and knowing the difficulty of letting go, the relief of being alone, self-preservation.
You have important needs after the Relationship. The need to rest, to be with yourself or the other people you have been separated from. There are withdrawal pangs and a deep hunger for togetherness. The solace and comfort of friendship may not be present, but your longing for companionship and affection affects you even greater. But be proud enough to say you don’t need to be carefree right now—you did the wrong thing right.
Recovery from a Breakup and the Plan for a New Beginning
You face a change this time. What if this a year alone in celibacy, unless God prompted you to be with another. It is wise to make the most of your time alone or transfer the profound love you have to your new mate.
If you are alone after a treacherous divorce, you may be relieved to have the freer space or you churn with withdrawal pangs and decisions about intimacy in the future with anyone who has the power to break your heart. Before you are ready.
Look at what in your life needs time and attention. It may be your work and your social life. It may be the opportune time for gathering friendships, support networks, finding an empathy buddy, and to finally get that practical help.
Re-commitment to Your Purpose and Passion
Love, may this be a time of burgeoning your creativity! Creativity is your first burning need. This is what may have been stifled in your previous relationship, which deprived you of your very life’s oxygen. Grab your own potential and do your life’s work in therapy. Perhaps change your environment and change your way of life. Commit to yourself, the kids, and if you are still never done, ask yourself, “How do I do my next relationship right?”
The Road to Inner Resolution
At your core, you need the empathizing experience. To dawn a breakthrough, take the road to self-empathy as well as be at peace with your partner’s decision. Be empowered in developing your resolve. Travel from blaming yourself and the other to becoming intimate with your own feelings and needs, and arrive at an understanding of the other, to find peace. If you cannot find finality, walk the road of self-empathy as many times as you need. The steps involve what you truthfully experienced, how it made you distressed, what you came to feel, because what you needed was not honored (or known), and lastly, what you now know and want and yearn for.
Breakdowns before Breakups
Realize. Your breakup resulted from the failure to meet unspoken expectations. It died because of ultimatums and their demise. To fight felt true but awful, their control over you taught you how to fight right, but fight nonetheless. When going against each other you were going towards something new yet intangible. And the myth of Mr. Right and Mrs. Right was a painful fairytale lesson.
Empathy is an exercise for you to discuss what nobody understands, to gain the understanding of yourself and what came in between each other. Empathy is another word for accuracy, to help in divining your truth. And tough things happen because you are supposed to grow. Did you accomplish that?
Empathy is Poetry 