The 6 Empathetic Stances to Listening

Here are ways many of us crave to be held by our partners, friends, and others. Imagine if you were truly held and fully heard, what that would feel like.

1. Curiosity (holding closely the desire to find out more about the other’s experience, asks good questions, concentrates and hangs on every word, helpful in that it encourages the speaker to be fully heard, a helping ear to solve problems together, creative strategies, exploration of options, and resolutions formed)
2. Awareness (of body language and voice tone and inflection) attunement to sound and voice shifts, when to know you are making an accurate reflection, gives insight into how to be a better listener by urging when someone looks away, eye movements to the left or right indicating the truthfulness of a statement,
3. Awe, (holding a safe space of non-judgement, with an added interest for who they are, which can be the stance of beholding the sacredness of the other, the believable, the beauty, and contains the interest meant to encourage the other to be in their fullest, most authentic self.
4. Innocence, (knowing that you do not know, beholding. Spiritual seeing stance, and holds respect for the perfection of the being of the other, the love for the other, the flow of unconditional love between you both, knowing that the two of you from the one listening to the other one sharing are both having a breakthrough by sharing experience and holding a space. the beauty of a being, not being separate, listening for the best interest of the other, focusing
5. Non-critical Analysis, (that lacks interpretation, thinking of ways to reframe and phrase the experience of the other, seeing behind their words to their needs, lets go of preconceived notions, is aware to put aside your own stuff to focus on the not-knowing of the other, focusing, being aware of stereotypes you might use that get in the way and create illusory perceptions, the absence of projection. Always looks for clarification and accurate empathy
6. Reflective Self-Awareness, (notices how you relate to the other, focuses on similarities between the two of you and the things you have in common, not making comparisons but much better correlations so that you can relay helpful statements, offers something to the listener about the human experience as you listen to another human being’s story, using memories to recall what it was like for you (like childhood) so you can feel the same feelings together.