Understanding is a Process, too: What Might it Have to do with Empathy?

Understanding is a Process, too: What Might it Have to do with Empathy?

 “There is a special kind of suffering that blesses us. Let us acknowledge and live its gifts, because it’s hard to hear a death’s suddenness.”        —–Natalie Botero, M.A.

To heal a relationship that has broken down from a lot of insecurities, truthful blunt communication may have resulted in many accusations. We can never read a person’s mind to the full, so we must endeavor to listen, without getting mad, and try to be patient with the process of learning compassionate communication, or empathically becoming reattuned to your partner and feel the Love in the space between the two. Expressing the anger, in a connective way, is possible as empathy can deescalate fury and constant conflict.

Here’s a case:

As my relationship with my girlfriend continues to be argumentative, I sometimes want to throw in the towel and just give up. I don’t know how to stop becoming defensive and walking out of the room. I want love and connection from my significant other.

I feel guilt over being late on our date nights too many times. When I try to explain why to her, she just doesn’t listen. I feel hurt, shut out and hopeless. I feel I need peace of mind, a sense of security, and a way to be reassured from my partner that she still loves and cares for me.

What do I honestly say or do?

 i have a hunch here, as an empathic person, that she needs and wants the same thing, too. Yes, it’s a process to hear the truth openly, whether it’s good or bad news. I suggest that Understanding is the best quality time spent, to sit together in the process. Ask yourself if you’re willing to listen to her first, to surrender to a request, and be ok with a yes instead of a No? Because after you’ve calmed down with empathy, you might have more ability to be patient with the offset and persist if you care about the both of you by offering moments together in silence.

Sounds familiar too! Lol.

I see you’re already starting to laugh and relax. No one should be able to ask for more than that! Maybe also, by a chance, you can see her perspective and tell her yours last. It’s not about putting yourself last, by any means. It’s a courtesy that love takes as the upper hand. 

What do you feel is her stance? A fear of abandonment or loss or something like that? Maybe an accusation and passive aggressive behavior is occurring because too much time has passed. Upfront and compassionate, a boundary and not a commandment, is the way the two of you could dance.

Well, thank you, I guess, for your kind suggestions and impressions. I am inspired by the challenge of loving lessons. And if I try first and do not succeed, we can always try again…..

It’s worth it. And Remember those thoughtful words that only say Thank you and Please! 

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